The Theater of Social Media and the Quiet Power of Observation

Social media can be unreal - almost a nonsensical satire —a statement is made, then one reaction sparks a cascade, and suddenly the noise is everywhere. When the reels from Literacy Now, Together dropped and the conversation on X started, I felt my nerves kick in. I had no idea how widely the reel featuring me would circulate or how many times it would be reposted. Right now the reel is at about 600k views just when accounting for views on both TikTok and Instagram. Certainly not viral, but a lot for this small startup. Exciting right? Well, not bad and not purely good. But certainly interesting.

Why the traction. What drove views of the reel featuring me? First, the moment captured was one where I was impassioned - logical, clear, and also a little intense. And middle aged women are not generally authorized to act this way in our society - at least not without getting a reaction. This is the world we are in. And at this stage, at this moment, I don’t particularly mind that I was impassioned or that it evoked a reaction from some people. 

Second, in the reel, I am critiquing the current version of Social Emotional Learning (SEL) in schools. SEL is a multi-billion-dollar industry, the “calm down industry” as Kareem Weaver calls it. Not only has SEL been well advertised, but people have invested years of work and identity into these programs. The whole point with Raising Moxie®️ is to disrupt the industry and offer an alternative. Pushback seems inevitable. And I am working to embrace myself as a disruptor.

Beneath all the reactions, the issue remains: children are suffering in our schools. And I hope the field of education will respond not with defensiveness, but with a hunger for support, clarity, and change. The conditions demand it. The kids deserve it.

The reel that got 600k views

The way things unfolded when the reel dropped - I will just say, it was an experience. On that first day, Kareem Weaver and I fielded questions on X. We were collaborative and it was enjoyable. The mood was rather light. Later that night, a friend reached out to tell me not to worry about the noise on TikTok. “Um, what noise?” I thought. It turned out the reel was bowing up on TikTok, and I’d learn later, on Instagram. There were hundreds of thousands of views within a few days. And with the attention - full-blown projection. I reached out to Kareem to let him know and he began to respond to the comments on TikTok that night.

Both on TikTok and on Instagram, I was cast as a dangerous, misguided, insane “lady.” And as buzz grew around my critique of conventional SEL curriculum, I was advised by business associates to respond kindly to the commentary with links to more information, and that the attention is generally thought to be good from a business point of view. It was a bit wild, nonetheless, seeing the blind attacks. On TikTok, I was not known as an MIT instructor or Licensed Psychologist or CEO. I became "that lady"—no TikTok account, no context, a blank slate for people's fears and assumptions.

And it was a bit painful initially to read the comments. All of the negativity is a lot to take in - so I paced myself. And also, in the current culture, these things are expected. We have all become a bit more immune because the attacks on social media are so common. And I was surprised how well I could see the comments in their proper context.

I am most interested to think about the processes under the commentary. The reactions online to the reel revealed emotional and systemic resistance—ranging from denial and deflection to aesthetic posturing and misapplied neuroscience. Most reactions exposed the limits of current school-based emotional support and the urgent need for reform.

I found it interesting to observe the responses. Most of the people began to create a narrative not based on what the reel discussed, but based on their projections and their own lens from their own experience. And that was intriguing to me. And while most people’s responses were judgemental or seemed to have an angry tone, a few were curious. That was also interesting! I basked in excitement when seeing the curious few, the observant educators standing out in social media in the sea of projection.

When we stop and think about what the reel pointed out, it’s not very surprising that many educators and school counselors on social media had a defensive response. Because I stated that habitual use of the calm down culture in schools is feeding the mental health crisis. For those school staff who perceive that they’re not trying to mute kids feelings, whether they are or not, I imagine they would feel unseen when hearing my perspective. For those school staff who are bought into and actively accepting “strategies” and “tools” to attempt to reactively calm kids down - they could feel great cognitive dissonance upon hearing my critique.

For those with a naive perspective on kids’ emotional lives, who believe overt, reactive, calm down “strategies” are the key, it would be easier to perceive me as some uninformed critic than to accept the possibility that they may be inadvertently contributing to children’s mental illness. So in this context, the comments on social media are rather expected. Interesting nonetheless, and I’d like to review a small sample of them here.

Common Defensive Reactions to my identification of “Calm Down” Plans in Schools

1. Denial. Insists schools don’t try to get kids calm.

This isn’t what most school personnel teach kids.

…not that their feeling shouldn’t be felt.

Students aren’t leaving the room to go on a walk every emotion they have.

We don't have time to do that with every single "feeling". I get her point, but this is not happening habitually in schools. Maybe with the gentle/passive parenting movement!?

2. Reactive Attack. Deflects critique by questioning my credibility, tone, or professionalism. Includes mis-quotes (things I didn’t say) and misrepresentations (my experience, training, and credentials)

So misguided.

So in her clinical work is she responsible for all 20-50 kids at the same time.

I agree kids are often upset bc of reading and nothing else!

Susan, lol.

If you don’t work in a school, don’t tell me how to do my job.

Who is this and why does she have a mic?

People just want to say stuff provocative. Next she’ll say vegetables are bad for kids.

People who use the words “unpack, big feelings” 🙄

You work 1:1 we work 30+:1

Who is this lady?

This woman is a nut bag.

3.Credentialed Deflection. Avoids deeper change by hiding behind professional identity. Stating for example, that they are a school counselor or a school psychologist

As a school psychologist I think this is ridiculous.

As a behavior analyst I completely disagree with this.

I have seen the difference in my title one second grade classroom.

4. Justification by Fear. Projects violence into a vignette that did not include violence. States that a calm down plan would be necessary to prevent aggression or restore order, especially in the context of big emotion. Reveals adult affect-phobia and a reactive stance, not prevention.

If they’re throwing chairs, cursing at us, being physically, violent, then yes, they do need to calm down.

… when they’re big feelings lead to unsafe actions.

 “feel those feelings!” she said as johnny threw a chair across the room and chased danny through the class with scissors in both hands.

As a teacher I was scared of their emotions when they were so unpredictable and explosive and turned violent.

I had to protect my other students and myself. Living in constant fight or flight is not fun.

“Feelings” don’t validate destructive behavior.

They still feel the emotion, but they work through it in safe ways.

So you would prefer them to throw a chair across the room.

Because if someone has those emotions at work they're probably getting fired.

What’s your alternative that teachers allow the outburst in the rage and the disruptions and ignore it?

5.  Defends with Pseudoscience & Adult Models. Uses pop-psychology and adult brain science to justify calming strategies for children. In these examples they may reference where the child can go. Soothing visuals—calm corners, sensory tools. Framed as to say we are soothing, supporting, or even empowering the child with calm down plans. Often uses the terms like “self-regulation” and “coping.” These reflect buy-in with the current SEL packages.

Disagree self regulation is a coping tool. once children have regulated, then we can address the issue that is upsetting.

Or are we taking a second so kids can cope.

We use/teach de-escalation and calming strategies with kids…

…Children are taught coping skills to learn to self-regulate…

We can teach a child coping skills while still allowing for the feeling of a feeling.

…labeling the emotion and tying it to the replacement behavior of a coping skill…

Or are we taking a second to cope with feelings before acting?

SEL is what teaches them to problem solve, show empathy, use coping strategies in every day situations…

Isn’t teaching someone to breathe teaching regulation? Then come back to the thing that was upsetting as a restorative practice all part of teaching kids regulation skills??

It’s not an escape from the emotion, it’s an escape from the environment to a different environment where it’s more appropriate to let out the emotion.

It’s not escaping emotion, it’s self-regulating emotions.

Regulating our nervous system and allowing our brains to activate our prefrontal cortex and take us out of the the brainstem’s dysregulated state is an essential step that allows us to feel our feelings and process them in a healthier way.

Regulation is a necessary step, not a replacement.

Kids can’t “unpack” while in survival mode “brain stem” they need help calming before they can reflect and process.

Completely wrong interpretation of how to address your feelings head on, without fear or shame.

6. Compartmentalization. Delegates emotions to specialists or parents, ignoring its integration with development. In other words, if the child feels something they should get needs met by a parent or mental health provider.

Let’s say these kids don’t go into classrooms until they are emotionally stable. Teachers will thank you around the world.

This is why we need so many more mental health professionals in our schools. Our job is to be a teacher and do not have the training. We expect too much from our teachers.

Let mental health needs get handled by people specifically trained with it.. teachers are trying to do it all.

This should be taught at home first.

Then how about parents teach their kids to self regulate at home and teachers can actually teach academic content.

7.Centers adult convenience and comfort over growth of individual child. May point to time, staffing, or scheduling as barriers. Names constraints.

They have to go on a walk so the other 30 kids can continue to learn standards.

…especially in public settings where their actions impact 20+ other children.

So, I dont have time to sit with 26 kids 1on1.

So what should a kindergarten teacher do when she is trying to teach a class of 20 with no teacher assistant and a student has these big emotions loud and frequently and cannot regulate them?

Goodness, teachers don't have enough time in the day to also be now responsible for "causing mental illness". You understand there are over 20 children in every classroom, with one adult?

I’m supposed to be teaching 22 first graders to read.

Reflection, Curiosity, and Affirmation

It seems there are more people on TikTok and Instagram who may respond defensively, rather than to get curious about the messages kids are receiving and how it is affecting them.

Though, on TikTok, one of the remarks shown below reminded me that those who understand childhood oppression sometimes have complimentary models and experiences to draw upon, fueling inquisitiveness. One of the most compelling remarks:

Sounds like something black people have been told quite often during the past few centuries in this country.

And another which many specialists, teens, and parents will appreciate:

Every kid knows that if they say “anxiety” the adults react like they just said bomb in an airport.

And there was acknowledgement of the current situation:

I agree - being told to calm down when I’m having a valid feeling is so invalidating. And yes I do believe most people in education are scared of those emotions. We are absolutely raising mentally ill children. I 100 % agree, we’re teaching them to suppress and escape.

I have been saying this since I entered the education field.

Thank you.

100%

Yes.

It 100% is! These children have ZERO coping mechanisms!

And there was deep curiosity expressed!

Teacher here. For almost 20 years. This actually raises a question for me. What is happening now that so many children have difficulties w/big emotions? I don’t recall in grade school and high school ever having this problem or noticing it among peers. Why such an upswing?

Interesting, something even more profound happened on X (which I screen shot below). Why? Maybe it was the platform. Maybe because I've built relationships there over time. Conversations have room to breathe. There's nuance. There was curiosity. There was collaboration.

What We’re Really Seeing

TikTok, despite the chaos, offers insight. The comments reveal a pervasive adult fear of children’s emotions. The scenario I offered: meant to illustrate frustration with not getting foundational literacy needs met and then having an adult attend to emotions rather than the root cause. But that scenario was reframed as a child posing a threat of violence. Emotion was reinterpreted as danger. Adult anxiety, dressed up as prediction.

I was speaking to developmental psychopathology—about how children hurt, how systems fail them.

But TikTok echoed back society’s deep discomfort with emotional complexity in children. And with those who advocate for it.

And while there were likes and a few brave souls who acknowledged what we know - that calm down plans are pervasive in schools and not ideal, many more comments were defensive.

And, back on X, something nice happened. An educator reached out—thoughtful, curious, informed. We had a genuine exchange. We learned together. We explored possibilities. No guesswork. No narrative filling. Just direct conversation.

Owning My Voice Now

I’ve known projection. I’ve absorbed it. I’ve tried to guard myself against it at times in the past. I’ve tried to keep others comfortable. But that path only reinforced my own silence . So now, I’m choosing something new - impassioned, strong, and honest. Because I want those who work with kids to gain a deeper understanding regarding the science - the ways kids grow emotionally. I suppose we’re just gonna have to get through this phase where we will have to deal with some of this dissonance together.

And for those of you who are bought in, who understand what Raising Moxie is about, I’m excited for the opportunity to collaborate with you as we engage in these difficult conversations with those who have been indoctrinated into pseudo scientific thought.

If you are interested in listening to Mental Health & Literacy in Childhood from the Literacy Now Together Podcast, go here.

If you would like more information about Raising Moxie, go here.